Punishment is a very powerful word. It evokes the dread we felt when we were younger and our parents caught us doing something wrong or we slacked at work and the boss made us feel about 1-inch tall. That’s also why BDSM punishments are an effective tool in kink play.
In this article, we’re going to look at why they work, when they don’t, how to use them ethically and properly, useful tips, plenty of suggestions, links to similar articles to expand your education, and so much more.
So, if you’re curious about punishing BDSM ideas, in the middle of crafting a BDSM contract, or looking to revive your current list with something more creative, this guide will get you squared away in no time.
Table of Contents
- How do BDSM Punishments Work?
- Choosing the Correct Punishment
- Know and Respect Limits & Rules
- Other BDSM Punishment Tips & Tricks
- Punishments As Part of Role Playing
- BDSM Punishment Ideas – Restrictive or Denial-Based
- BDSM Punishments for Productivity
- Using Pain and Discomfort
- BDSM Humiliation & Degradation Ideas
- Boring or Mental Things to Make Them Crumble
- Pet Play Punishments
- BDSM Punishment Closing Thoughts
- If You Want More Articles Like This…
How do BDSM Punishments Work?
The idea is for the Dom/me to reshape unwanted behavior. It’s no different than other sorts of social conditioning we experience throughout our lives … just probably with more leather and metal. But these activities can also be part of something erotic (like roleplaying). New kinkers should also note that punishments should ALWAYS be consensual and communicated ahead of time.
A BDSM punishment should not only correct the submissive’s behavior but also result in something more positive.
Then there’s the issue of finding one that works specifically for them and their infraction. For example, a submissive regularly shows up late to sessions, dates, meetups, and whatnot.
- If they love corporal punishment, spanking will only reward them. There’s a new word floating around called “funishment“.
- Instead, make them sit and write 50 reasons why being late is a bad thing and then read it out loud. They spend the entire allotted time on the list, rather than having a pleasant experience with their Mistress/Master.
Choosing the Correct Punishment
Besides having all of these possibilities being rewards for some and deterrents for others, a Mistress or Master also needs to be fair in balancing both sides. As the saying goes, “Let the punishment fit the crime.”
Think of a sub spilling their Dom/mes morning coffee. 100 strikes with a flogger and ignoring them for 3 months is overboard. It also paints the person in the position of power as inexperienced, a bully, or even abusive. It’s not trust-building, it’s terror tactics. A sub would be well within their power to stand up and walk away.
Instead, spilling the coffee and then making them lick it up off the floor is a far more reasonable (and fitting) punishment.
Know and Respect Limits & Rules
SCC – This abbreviation stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual. Sometimes people add an extra “S” for “sober” to emphasize a point. However, many people lump this idea in with safety and or sanity.
RACK – Risk-Aware Consensual Kink emphasizes that all participants thoroughly understand any risks involved with BDSM activities. While SCC is a simple way to differentiate consensual play versus abuse, RACK is more about the idea that nothing is 100% safe and people need to be prepared.
PRICK – “Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink” takes all the things mentioned above but emphasizes that people need to take responsibility for their play and that the participants understand everything that can or could happen so they can make an INFORMED decision.
LIMITS – You’ll hear this word a lot in the BDSM scene. A limit is something that someone has a level of discomfort with. You can have soft, temporary, or hard limits.
Soft limits mean the person is a bit worried but willing to explore. A hard limit is a firm line, a BIG NO-NO, and a zone that is 100% off-limits to the other person/people. An example of a hard limit could be playing with urine. For others, it could be no name-calling. If a hard limit is broken, the sub should leave play and that person immediately. These can apply to both Dom/mes and subs.
Other BDSM Punishment Tips & Tricks
- The power-holder should NEVER punish while angry.
- There should be lots of communication around what happens (before, during, and after).
- Punishments should never be delivered as a surprise.
- Giving aftercare might be necessary after a punishment.
- If you’re a beginner, start slowly and build gradually over time.
- Keep educating yourself – there’s always something new to learn.
- Mistresses/Masters, etc. can also use safewords – that should be respected.
- It’s better if punishments are not gamified unless they are “funishments”.
- BDSM negotiation does not mean FORCING someone to agree to something.
- It’s okay to experiment and explore. Let it be a fulfilling journey for you and your partner.
Punishments As Part of Role Playing
All of the rules and suggestions mentioned above should be followed if you’re going to be inserting punishments as a part of a roleplay or consensually entertaining activity. Yes, this is different from correcting bad behavior. And that’s okay. As long as everyone has communicated and prepared properly ahead of time, you do you.
If you’re still struggling to see the difference. A Dom/me spanking their sub for being late is a punishment. But a Dom/me spanking a sub for being late because they’re doing a Boss and Personal Assistant role play is different.
Now, without further ado … here’s the master punishment list!
BDSM Punishment Ideas – Restrictive or Denial-Based
- Chastity belts/cages – There are SO many things you can tack on to this punishment (besides just wearing one). You could set a set time to be in the cage or you could add an element of chance with a dice roll or card draw (which adds a burst of dread).
- Orgasm edging – This is really effective if your sub is used to getting loads of pleasure.
- Early bedtime – It’s not just for those who love age play, because being sent to be early means they might be bored, end up stewing about what they did wrong or have their sleep/awake cycle thrown off for a day.
- Deny orgasms for X# of days or weeks or months. This is often a go-to for BDSM punishments.
- Take away the right to publicly speak for x-hours – which is much harder than you think (especially if the sub is used to being able to speak).
- Have them play an erotic video/computer game with a wearable sex toy. But they’re not allowed to orgasm during the synced sex scenes when the toy vibrates!
- Deny them attention or the right to come over and see you. Ignoring can be very painful.
- If there is more than one slave, make them prepare you to have sex with your other slaves. They get nothing and must watch.
- There’s been debate on denying food. But one day’s fast is fine (as long as there are no health complications). Or just skipping a single meal isn’t going to hurt anything. In this particular case, it’s a punishment up to the discretion of the sub and Dom and something that needs to follow the usual safety rules. You can also ask a doctor for advice – better safe than shy.
- Take away anything they enjoy or love for x# of days etc. A basic punishment but always effective.
- If they don’t like collars or a certain piece of clothing/device, make them wear one around the house. Or vice versa.
- Plan a wonderful BDSM date or even a normal event with them, then cancel at the last minute. This is excellent if they are someone who always arrives late.
NOTE: Keep in mind that in some BDSM instances (or for certain couples, etc.), a collar is as serious as a wedding band. To take it away as a punishment would be rather harsh, so be careful.
BDSM Punishments for Productivity
- Make them run a public errand wearing a long coat with nothing underneath or if that’s past their hard limits they can wear something slutty underneath their clothes. It’s a lovely level of awareness while you have someone taking care of your daily to-dos.
- Have them cook and serve you dinner and wait on you in the nude.
- Make them run a public errand or do daily chores while sporting a wearable, remote, or app-controlled sex toy. These are usually things like butt plugs, love eggs, or prostate massagers. App toys where you can control the vibrations how you want are SO much fun!
- Order them to do yard work but in an inconvenient way. They have to pick up debris off the front porch instead of sweeping. Lawns are cut with scissors instead of a mower. Weed plucking can be done with tweezers.
- Make them write an essay on whatever you think will make them improve or stop a bad habit.
- Order them to clean something/somewhere with a toothbrush (or even their tongue) until it’s spotless.
- Have them reorganize a room or even multiple rooms. After, they have them put it back EXACTLY the way it was. Extra BDSM punishments for everything that’s out of order
“I’ve got a mind to turn you over my knee and spank the spoiled hell out of you”
Larissa Ione, Sin Undone
Using Pain and Discomfort
- Try some sort of sensory deprivation, perhaps while performing another punishment. Blindfolds are always handy and easy.
- Deliver X#of strikes with whatever implement (like a riding crop or a flogger). They must count each one and thank you or ask for the next one. Be sure you know which zones are safe to hit.
- Wear clothespins or kink clamps in sensitive places. You can try vibrating nipple clamps if they add extra discomfort.
- Schedule them a Brazilian wax. This BDSM punishment is especially effective if they’ve never had any hair removal with wax before – particularly men.
- Make them take a cold shower. This needs to be of seasonal temperature and time, of course. But it’s a wonderful shock to the system.
- Dump ice cubes down their clothes. They need to be pre-wetted so they don’t harm your sub. It’s advised to allow them to shift the ice around now and then so they don’t end up with ice burns.
- Try Figging on them – where you cut a piece of ginger into a butt plug shape. The leaking oils are quite painful.
- Use botanical punishments like bamboo switches, bunches of witch hazel, or other (safe) plants that can make someone go Ouch! There’s a link at the bottom of this article to an article dedicated to this idea.
- Force orgasms with a magic wand. But it needs to be one of those POWERFUL MONSTERS that sound like a jumbo jet landing next door. Even better is a sex machine if you can afford it. It might sound like a reward, but if there’s a source of pain they won’t be able to enjoy it as much.
Hey, I want POWERFUL, app-controlled sex toys to torture my sub with!
- Wash their mouth out with soap. Older generations can vouch for this. Just don’t let them swallow – that’s for other stuff 😛 This one is effective if they’re mouthy.
- Make them walk on painful things. Hint: Legos!
- Add weights to nipple clamps, penis stretchers, or testicle clamps/cages.
- Wear an uncomfortable ball gag. This is usually one size larger than normal. It shouldn’t be too big (to avoid injury). Besides, one size bigger for a while will be very uncomfortable.
- Kneel on uncooked rice for however long you deem appropriate (and safe).
- Can we say hot sauce?
- Do a certain chore while bound or physically restricted in some way.
- Hold pennies against a wall (one for each finger) in whatever position you choose.
- Soak a glass or metal dildo in cold water and insert it. Never use ice because it could cause damage.
- Zap them with a violet wand.
- Partake in cum consumption – such as in food, licking off someone after sex, or off the floor, etc.
BDSM Humiliation & Degradation Ideas
- Plan some naked exercise. It will be nice for you to watch too.
- Scold them in public for what they did wrong. Do this one carefully with respect to anyone around you. It also only works if they don’t enjoy public humiliation.
- Announce every time they are horny and why. People can be turned on by things they might not want to mention. Or, if it’s from another person, there’s lots of added humiliation to be had.
- Walking around with panties in the mouth for a certain period of time. Extra points if they have fluids on them.
- A not-quite sexual act they are not keen on but they have agreed to in your negotiated contract under “punishments.” For example, being peed on.
- Masturbate in front of (consensual) guests. Remember “public” in BDSM doesn’t actually mean “public!”
- If Pegging is something they don’t enjoy (but it doesn’t harm them), it’s an excellent domination tactic. Learn more about Pegging in this article!
- Act like an object or a piece of furniture. It’s dehumanizing and also a strain on the body. But don’t make them act as a piece of furniture that’s too hard on their body. Meaning, that if you’re a heavy person and the sub is tiny, they shouldn’t be a chair.
- Write the infraction on their body with a permanent marker. It’s a great reminder every time they look in a mirror. And if they can’t hide it under clothing – hee hee.
- Make them walk around with cum in their underwear or on their body all day. But only if it’s something they don’t like.
- Toss water on their crotch to make it look like they wet their pants in public. What they do next is up to you.
- Have them dress in their opposite gender’s clothes for the day.
- Force them to wear something ridiculous while going out.
- Eat from a pet dish, or on a plate if they usually eat from an animal bowl. Remember, if they love pet play, it’s not really counted in the BDSM Punishments department.
- You can also make them eat directly off the floor if you feel they don’t deserve a bowl.
- Record their orgasms and make them their ringtone and message alerts
- Write dirty things on their body, such as “Dirty Slut,” “Cum Dumpster,” or “Cock Whore”
Boring or Mental Things to Make Them Crumble
- Put them in isolation. It can be anything from alone in another room, to putting them in a cupboard. Just make sure it’s within your agreed-upon rules. Some people have legitimate claustrophobia and that’s not something you mess with as a BDSM punishment.
- Make them write lines – it’s boring and repetitive but that’s why it works. They could have been doing something fun instead.
- Force them to watch or listen to something they hate. Like a movie, television show, podcast, band, etc.
- Have you ever read the fine print of a contract? Or the terms and conditions of your apps, etc. Make your sub read them and summarize them for you. They do all the boring work and you get all the useful highlights! I would personally find this a very effective BDSM punishment idea for hyperactive subs.
- Give them a lecture on why they were bad. Very often subs crumble if they feel they’ve disappointed their Dom.
- Make them count coins or grains of rice. Have a laugh and start counting out of order to make them lose count!
- Sit in a corner and think about what they’ve done. Add a dunce cap for added humiliation.
- Make them eat something super healthy and bland as hell – like boiled mushy cauliflower.
- MY FAVORITE: “Make them learn to code C++ while listening to ‘the world’s worst song’ on repeat.” However, I adore the ideas in the comment section because some suggestions were coding in assembly, batch, or machine language.
Pet Play Punishments
- Smack them on their bum with a newspaper
- Squirt a waterbottle at them, like you would a cat
- Leash them to something for a time-out
- Change out their collar to a punishment one (like scratchy wool or burlap)
- Take away something, like their favorite toys or snuggle blanket
- Put them in the “stay” position and make them hold a toy in their mouth for x-minutes
- Limit playtime or take away an outing
- Ignore them when they beg for attention
- Put them in a cone of shame (those medical animal collars)
- Give them a cold bath
- Lock them in their cage
- Slap their “paws”
- Early bedtime
- Ponyplay can use uncomfortable mouthbits
- Horseplay can also use cane strikes
BDSM Punishment Closing Thoughts
Remember, as long as it’s consensual and responsible, what people do in their own bedroom (or sex club, etc.) is their own fun. Some punishments might seem harsh, but it just means that if you were playing you wouldn’t use them. But perhaps another couple or group finds it useful.
Never stop learning and growing. And if you’re a Dom/me who’s made a mistake with your punishment (I’m not talking about ignoring safe words or breaking hard limits – which aren’t “mistakes”) be mature and caring enough to apologize for it, learn from it, and do better afterward. Like if you said 20 spankings but the scheduled punishment timeslot the next day you say 30. You get the idea.
More than anything, don’t look at BDSM punishments with fear or disdain. When used right, they’re trust-building, growth-inducing, and even bonding.
If You Want More Articles Like This…
- BDSM vs Abuse – Learn the Differences and Stay Safe
- 12 BDSM Plants – Grow Your Own Pain Garden and Harvest Your Kink
- BDSM Restraints 101 – Hogtied and Happy for Beginners
Do you have any good suggestions for BDSM punishments? Share in the comments!
