We looked at part one of FetLife Tips! Now, here’s Fetlife Tips Part 2!
SPEAK UP TO SHAME
I’m an “avoid the drama” sort of person. However, in some cases, if someone is breaking the rules of the site, don’t hesitate to report them. This isn’t the same as having disagreeing points of view, just if there are things that break the community rules. This brings us to the next point…
KNOW THE COMMUNITY LIMITS
Fetlife is very clear about their no-nos. This includes things like incest, bestiality, abuse, animal cruelty, underage, racism, etc. Just because some porn sites have it, doesn’t mean that every site will embrace it. Respect each site and what they allow and restrict.
KNOW ABOUT “OUTING”
People in the BDSM world can be “outed” – meaning they have their private (kinky) life made public to people who wouldn’t or shouldn’t know. Things like work, family, the general public, etc. Whether you care about being outed or not is up to you. If you are worried, take steps to keep your friend circle trusted and your pictures non-identifiable. That being said, don’t like the idea divert you away from having fun.
INCLUDE VANILLA STUFF
Don’t make your bio ONLY about kinky stuff. Include a few everyday facts – like hobbies and passions. It will help make you stand out and find people you have even more in common with. Who knows, you might make a friend for something outside of the kink world.
IT’S OKAY TO BE VAGUE
It might sound a bit “back and forth”, but even though I’ve suggested putting as much info as possible in your bio, you DON’T want it to become a novel. It’s okay to leave some stuff out and have a few fun surprises for future conversations
DON’T BE “ME ME ME”
If all you want is to have someone service you (top or bottom doesn’t matter), just state so (or pay someone). However, in BDSM interactions there is usually a give and take on BOTH sides. Don’t have your write-up and chats be all about what YOU want. It’s a turn-off for most people.
LEARN THE LINGO
There are tons of abbreviations on this site (e.g. CBT = cock and ball torture). Before you ask, take a moment to look it up. There will 100% be an answer somewhere.
PIC DISCLAIMERS
Aside from only posting images that belong to you (of you), you can add a general disclaimer about usage (or restrictions) of your images. Many bios have them (in several languages). It’s as simple as copying and pasting into your bio.
GRAINS OF SALT
There’s tons of advice and how-tos on Fetlife. Although it can be a fountain of information, don’t take it as the end-all-be-all. Look on other sides and videos for more information, take classes, and ask experts. A good example is trampling. I suggested the general safety that people shouldn’t step on the soft parts of the belly (especially with heels on). This is just all-around good advice. There are, however, people that enjoy this practice.
DON’T SPAM
Whether in chat or message boards, don’t spam personal ads, professional ads, etc. Also, don’t be needy in your DMs to new people.
FETLIFE VS FRIENDS
You don’t need a huge group of people in your circle. Keep it as small and as big as you want. You can also write in your bio how you want people to add you to their friend list (maybe they need to chat with you first, maybe you accept anyone). Y
UPDATE
Your journey, preferences, and experience will be ever-changing – update your details accordingly. This can include recent pictures or what you’re looking for in a play partner etc.
BLOCKING
Like any other site, you can block people. You can also unblock them. But there is a few days delay between these steps. You’ll probably find this site will have more blocked people than other social media. That’s ok. Don’t be afraid to exercise your personal power.
GET OUT INTO THE WORLD
Fetlife can be a fun online community, and great for people starting out (and are shy), but that is no substitute for real life. Granted, you might not (or never) be able to take your kinks off a digital platform, but if you can, parties and munches are a great way to see people in action, learn something, and vet people in a safe environment.
Go to the “Events” tab and see what’s going on around you.
SIDE NOTE: I’m NOT endorsing this as advice to get out and meet people only privately. That can sometimes be dangerous. Always meet in a public place, with an accompanying friend, or at a munch (and non-kinky gathering of kinky people).
DELETE IF YOU DON’T LIKE
Yes, I’ve plugged this site as something great – and it can be. HOWEVER, it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay. If you don’t like it, delete your account. No harm no fuss.
Want more useful articles? Check out these…
- The 101 of BSDM Dating – The Pros and Pitfalls of Kinky Romance
- 8 Romantic BDSM Ideas – Lighter and Loving Ways to Get Kinky
- 12 BDSM Plants – Grow Your Own Pain Garden and Harvest Your Kink
Share some of your best or worst FetLife experiences!
