Today we are looking at another BDSM term and clearing up some misconceptions and bringing to light interesting details…
Femdom
This term simply means Female or Feminine Domination/Dominatrix.
WHAT DOES FEMDOM INCLUDE?
Domination (whether male or female) is a VERY broad idea. Asking someone what kind of domination they like is the same as asking what someone’s favorite food is – the answer can be anything, and as long as it follows the SSC rules, there is no right or wrong.
Herein lays one problem…
Person A might want to dominate someone (let’s say through pain and humiliation), but Person B wants to be dominated, but not through harsh or degrading methods. Finding the “right fit” between a Dom/sub or Top/bottom is a similar journey as generic dating – it takes time, looking around, and lots of communication (as well as going through a line of potential matches until you get the right one).
So, Person B wants to be dominated, but they want it through gentle/kind means
This is where gentle Femdom comes in.
WHAT IS GENTLE FEMDOM?
It might sound like a contradiction, but it’s not. It’s very possible to dominate through non-harsh methods. Think of a mother – they guide their children with love and kindness but also with a “firm” hand. Rewards are generous and punishments are often soft correction (if punishments are even part of play, which, if the submissive doesn’t want, you can omit).
“No, sweetie, you can’t do that. It’s not good for you.”
“Give that back right now, young man.”
CONFLICTS IN THE COMMUNITY
You’ll find people, in any BDSM practice, you hold so true to their own ways, that they leave no room for other ways by other people – even if those ways have no bearing on other people. Meaning, I have literally met people who’ve said, “Gentle? Well, you’re not really a Dom then.” Or “That’s not really BDSM.”
You find these people everywhere, even in non-BDSM things. “Oh, you drink red wine (of this brand) from 2014? Well, you know nothing about wine then.”
But guess what?
It doesn’t frigging matter.
People are allowed to like their own food, own brand of wine, and own style of kink. If you are interested in gentle domination, don’t let anyone tell you it’s “wrong”. I’m also going to probably trigger some readers and flat out say that those kind of people are either snobs or uneducated about the kink world. Just like they have the right to play how they want, you have the right to play how YOU and your partner want. Period.
WAYS TO DOM GENTLY
Okay, now that I’m done my rant, let’s look at a few simple ideas you can try if you want to get into gentle Femdom (keeping in mind that the Fem is for the woman being the dominator – although you can totally have the same approach with a man being in control).
- Giving hugs, kisses, and cuddles as rewards
- Gently giving instructions as your partner pleasures you
- Giving your partner pleasure, but you are in control of the speed and outcome
- Giving them a cute pet name
- Allow them to be open and vulnerable without humiliation
- Be the one to hold them during the night
- Lots of praise for good behavior
- Giving simple instructions (how to take off their clothes etc.)
- Using a vibrator externally for pleasure (rather than pegging)
- If he wants anal sex, do it gently and slowly
All in all, this kind of domination is great for beginners who want to try to take control (or be controlled) but aren’t sure about what style they want or like. From these simple actions, you can increase, even decrease, or alter the play to fit your and your partner’s flavor.
Also, if you want more useful articles, you might like these…
- What is a BDSM Top Vs a Dominant? Learn the Big Difference
- What is Findom? Looking at this Financial Fetish
- What is a Safe Word? Learn the Basics of Kink Communication
Any other ideas about how to be a gentle Femdom? Share in the comments!
