We’re not talking about BDSM in romance novels, no. We’re talking about the romantic BDSM that can be done in the bedroom.
“But, romantic?!” you ask. “I thought BDSM was all about spanking and being dominant or mean.”
Nope, Bondage, Dominance/Submission, and Sadomasochism can be on ANY end of the spectrum. It can be feather-light contact and a gentle, loving touch. You don’t have to tie someone down when you can keep them in place with your eyes – a passionate stare that shows how badly you want them.
Here are some ways you can take the intense world of BDSM and tone it down into something less intimidating.
NON-PAIN CANDLES
Instead of dripping wax over your partner’s body, use your candles for romantic ambiance. OR if you’re REALLY interested in using them for something other than light, there are “massage candles” – which are soy based, low melting point candles that melt into massage oil. Follow the instructions to the letter, and have the end result be an erotic massage that has him/her begging for more.
Some extra good news, since it’s massage oil, it’s good for the skin and you don’t have to shower after … unless you’re sticky from other things.
LIGHTER DIRTY TALK
Instead of describing sex acts in juicy detail, tell your partner how they make you feel, why they are special, what you dream of etc. This can extend to a more loving version of sexting.
GOOD ‘OL SAUCE
We can’t have a list of kinky things without going for the traditional “licking things off someone’s body”. And while there’s chocolate sauce or caramel, don’t forget other things that the two of you might like – even jam if that’s what floats your boat.
The biggest thing to remember isn’t about the food; it’s about the “presentation” … the visual production of the show you’re helping unfold. Put things only slowly, mix them with lustful words, bites, kisses, or tickles. Don’t just slather it on and let the bottle make farting sounds (unless you want a giggle, which is totally okay too), rather put things in nice dishes on a tray, get a new/clean paintbrush and decorate your partner’s body like a canvas.
Alternatively, you can blindfold your lover and feed them sensual food – even make a guessing game out of it.
RESTRAINTS BUT NOT RESTRAINTS
Being tied up isn’t for everyone, but if you still want to get into some light form of bondage, just imagine holding your partner down while you make love to them, or pinning them against the wall as you kiss them passionately. Yummy.
If you want something a little harder, fuzzy handcuffs are fun!
IMPACT PLAY THAT’S NOT REALLY IMPACT
Did you know spanking and flogging don’t HAVE TO be hard? Yep!
There are rabbit fur or silk floggers that can tickle or give very light sensations when brought down on the skin. You CAN get leather or suede etc. (even those cheap ones that come with the “beginner BDSM sets”) all you have to do is make sure the strands are short and have a very gentle hand.
The same goes for spanking. There’s no need to leave red marks everywhere. Use light taps to get your lover excited, bend them over your knee and hold them close while whispering in their ear all the things you want to do to them.
SIMPLER ROLE PLAYS
No, not the dirty nurse giving a physical or the twisted boss making you perform oral for a raise. I’m talking about pretending you’re meeting for the first time at a bar, library, or park. Maybe you’re meeting for a secret rendezvous.
Or, you can stay as you are and make the whole night about teasing each other and ramping up the desire while you’re out on date night.
TAKE AWAY THEIR SIGHT
Blindfolds aren’t just for beginner BDSM players; they’re fantastic for sensory deprivation. Because when you take away their sight, everything else gets ramped up – every kiss, caress, and thrust.
If you don’t have a blindfold, a silk scarf or something else that’s soft will do the trick.
What extra stimulation? Add a magic wand or bullet vibe
Find some super-powerful toys here
FEMALE TARGETED PORN
There’s porn made towards women – still with plenty of sex, but the feeling is less gritty, sleazy, and with plenty of female pleasure. Find one you like and either watch during foreplay or try to recreate what you see. It’s not really BDSM, mind you, but it’s kinky for some people.
Also, if you liked this article, you might like these…
- Massage Oils 101 – Learn the Basics
- How to Give a Massage – Romantic Touch and Erotic Endings
- BDSM Kits for Beginners – 10 Good Starter Toys & 5 Toys to Avoid
Any more ideas on romantic BDSM? Share in the comments!