You’ve landed on this page because you’re curious about this kink (or at least want to understand why some people do it).
WHAT IS IT? Within the world of BDSM, wax play is the act of dripping melted wax onto a participant’s skin.
However, it’s not the same as when you poke your finger into the Thanksgiving candles. In fact, this kind of play leans towards the intermediate or advanced end of the BDSM scale. Mostly because it can lead to some serious, permanent damage if not practiced correctly.
How can wax play be safe? This involves several things.
USE PILLARS OR CUPS
Because you can let the wax melt and pool in the candle a little before you start dripping, and therefore have greater control over the application.
Tapered candles will only drip as fast as the wick burns it – no to mention tapered candles probably have additives to make them harder.
In turn, this will usually make them burn hotter. These are a no-no.
USE THE RIGHT WAX
- Soy melts around 54 °C (130 °F)
Its sensations are the mildest and better for beginners since it cools and hardens on skin contact and is the least likely to cause irritations. The wax is usually very soft and cannot be formed into pillars. You can find it in glass pots which will work okay.
However, some users complain that it’s SO soft, it makes clean up a little difficult.
- Beeswax melts at around 63 °C (145 °F)
DO NOT use these candles for wax play. It might not seem like much of a difference, but it’s quite huge – to the point of causing serious burns and blistering. These usually come in the form of tea lights or safety candles.
BE WARY OF ADDITIVES
The melting points mentioned above are only averages and only applicable if they are the PURE form of the wax. The moment you add other things, it could change the melting point temperature.
Try to avoid:
Dyed Candles – additives and chemicals that give them color also make them burn hotter.
Scented Candles – the perfume chemicals increase melting points; the smell can also be too much for some people.
Metallic Candles – metallic salts can be poisonous and increase the burn levels to the point it could leave SCARRING.
Stearin – this is an additive commonly used in candles and soap making (from beef processing or found in palm trees), it helps make the material harder. Avoid this as it increases the melting point significantly – to the point of second-degree burns.
IMPORTANT: There’s a myth floating around the internet that colored candles will burn hotter than plain white – even going so far as to use a Mythbuster’s episode where they used light and dark colored cars to test temperature. Ignore this. Sun with black and white material has nothing to do with a candle burning. The melting points are more to do with the materials. The only reason “white” is different is because there’s less chance of additives.
FOLLOW THE “SSSC” RULE
This means Safe, Sane, Sober, and Consensual.
This is done by researching as much as you can about the topic (you’re doing this right now, so well done!), setting up an area that will be safe to play, and having emergency supplies on hand.
Both parties also CANNOT drink alcohol.
I know people can associate crazy, sexy time with having a few drinks to loosen up, but in any BDSM situation, you must have 100% of your capacities to pay attention to your submissive, or (if you’re the sub) know your body’s reactions to pain – keeping in mind that when we are drunk, we might not feel pain as we normally do, and that is NOT a good thing.
Don’t forget your SAFE WORD! Need Ideas? Check this out:
Good Safe Words and Interesting Uses in Media
TESTING WITH A PARTNER BEFOREHAND
Pain tolerance with wax play is a beast unto its own. Just because someone likes being flogged until they are blue, doesn’t mean they’re going to like the sting of hot wax.
Always test the candle on the inside of YOUR OWN wrist before playing (yes, if you can’t take it yourself, you shouldn’t be doing it on another person). Then, test it on your partner’s wrist.
Remember, pain tolerance to heat is a very personal thing.
ALWAYS FROM A DISTANCE
Never pour wax on the skin – DRIP it on – and from a couple of feet above your target. The one second it takes to go from the candle to the skin is still enough time to cool slightly. You also shouldn’t stay in one area too long. Drip and move on then, when it has cooled, go back and play connect the dots.
However…
Keep in mind that the greater the distance you drip it from, the greater chance of SPLASHING. This is dangerous because you don’t know where the wax will end up.
Because of this, NEVER do wax play around the face. Aside from wax being a bitch to get out of someone’s hair, splashing on the eyes can lead to serious damage, even blindness. Even if the person is wearing a blindfold, it doesn’t matter. The skin is quite thin around the face.
There’s also the SSSC rule we talked about – emphasis on Safe and Sane.
PLAYING WITH SENSATIONS
Wax play will already be giving your sub plenty of situations. But added other elements can add another layer of excitement.
- Kiss things
- Caress their body while things cool
- Play with the tickle of feathers or fur
- Use vibrators or other sex toys on them
- Flogging the wax off can be fun and intense
- Incorporate ice cubes for a hot/cold sensation
- Use a butter knife to scrape off the wax – if you like actual knives, just make sure you’re experienced and extremely careful.
- Hold your hand over the fresh wax as it cools, touch creates intimacy
Try some Bluetooth, wireless sex toys you can sync with music!
Lovense Teledildonics – Sex Tech for Every Bedroom
AFTERCARE
Any BDSM play needs aftercare. Kisses, hugs, cuddles, water, reassurance etc. But with this kind of play, you should also add some moisturizing cream with aloe or sunburn cream with a gentle massage to their very sensitive skin.
OTHER TIPS, TRICKS, AND RULES
- Never leave a lit candle unattended.
- Have a first aid kit in your play bag (which you should have anyways with any BDSM play).
- Anytime there is fire, even a single candle, there should always be a container of water just in case the worst happens. That, or wet towels or fire extinguisher.
- Do NOT put the candle flame on the skin – that is a form of extreme edge play and not part of this article.
- Some subs might love the feeling, but not realize it’s actually burning them. Keep vigilant and always communicate.
- Have your sub shave first – wax and body hair don’t like each other.
- Test different areas of the skin – the sensitivity varies greatly, and per person.
- Don’t let wax pool in the natural “valleys” of the body – it takes longer to cool and leaves heat on the skin longer, which is bad.
- Don’t put wax in the belly button – even advanced, experienced users only drip tiny amounts and let it cool entirely.
- Wax is for external play only – never put wax in any orifice.
- Cover piercings and tie hair back – it’s so hard to get out.
- Rotate the candle so it burns evenly and the wax stays clean.
- If you don’t know how high, keep to an 18-inch rule.
- A very thin layer of massage oil beforehand makes the wax easier to remove (but it’s debated in the community if the oil affects the cooling time on the skin, so use with caution and discretion, or not at all).
- Ice hardens wax and makes it easier to take off.
- Always have a safe word during any BDSM play.
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Aside from this information, I also encourage anyone to read as many articles as they can, and perhaps even attend a class (if there are any available in your area). Making sure you keep things as safe as possible, means you’ll be free to enjoy the fun times!
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Also, if you’ve enjoyed this article, you might want to try these as well:
- Cheap BDSM Equipment – Using Hardwear, Dollar, and Thrift Stores
- BDSM and the 5 Senses – Get Kinky with Sensory Deprivation
Are there any other fun things you like to do during wax play? Any interesting experiences? Share in the comments!