We’ve all heard the term “guilty pleasure” – things like eating a dozen Krispy Cream donuts in one sitting, binge-watching a show that everyone hates, or reading a trashy romance novel that you would only find in the 25-cent bin of a thrift store.
But what about sexual guilty pleasures? Those “naughty” secrets that Cosmo mag constantly churns out?
Let’s take a look at what people out there classify as a dirty guilty pleasure and then talk about why it all needs to stop right now.
SEXUAL GUILTY PLEASURE – IT STARTED ON REDDIT
When it comes to blatant honesty, there’s no place like the vast string of Reddit conversations.
And it’s no surprise that there were more than a few threads about our featured topic of the day. But what was surprising was the so-called secrets that people were confessing left, right, and center.
They were … not that crazy – at least not by internet standards. Here’s a general summary…
- Plenty of foot worship, which was all from men. They all varieties of women’s’ feet – from clean to dirty, well-kept to troll-like.
- Tons of panty stuff. However, it didn’t go into much detail beyond loving a pair stuffed into their mouths as gags or sneaking a sniff when their wife was in the shower.
- All kinds of insults. Mostly using the word “slut” or something demeaning. They were also mostly confessions by women.
- Sex in public. Men mostly confessed this , and they loved getting down to business in a place where they could get caught.
- Hentai or other kinds of cartoon porn – some furry stuff and lots of cross-cartoon pair ups like Scooby Doo with Brian from Family Guy.
- Numerous physical acts. Choking, slapping, spanking, held down, etc.
- Female domination. Like being squirted on or pegged. A few mentioned specific fantasies like being kidnapped and forced into sex with a women, even a few men.
- Girls with dicks – but with very clear “disclaimers” the guys weren’t gay.
- A few revolved around scat or being farted on.
- So many mentions of swallowing cum.
- Trap porn or hentai – believe it or not, I hadn’t heard of this one. Turns out this is about a boy who looks so much like a girl that another guy is “trapped” into sexual attraction with them. I had seen comics like this but the tern was new to me.
- Finally, I found a few that didn’t seem so vanilla – being bitten on the dick during blow jobs, being kicked hard in the balls, being a “feeder” etc.
- There were also a few jokes like, “As someone with Catholic parents, all of it is guilty pleasure.”
However, more than one confession left me scratching my head. Mostly because I really couldn’t get why people saw the acts as something to be shy, embarrassed, or ashamed about.
One woman said how she felt bad about using her vibrator for a quick orgasm while her partner was out doing errands. She went into detail about how, once in a while, she just needed to get off and then get on with her day. But she always felt bad about not including her boyfriend.
The panty-sniffing husband I mentioned before also talked about how he would never tell his wife that he would jerk off after he caught a whiff of her undies.
After all of that, I went on to explore Quora and a few other sites.
WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
Maybe I’m just desensitized by years of working in the sex toy industry. Perhaps it’s my staunch defense of the “sex is healthy” and “fantasies are normal” mentalities. But so much of what people were describing was actually very commonplace. They just thought they were in the minority and therefore complete weirdos.
Granted, it’s wise not to tell your insecure, vanilla partner that you masturbate to fantasies of all her hot friends and family. But the huge swatch of shame was mindboggling. And if this small sample is a reflection of the utter lack of communication about sex between partners, well, I don’t know. It just totally sucks.
And this is what needs to stop immediately.
Why?
When something like simple fetishes (I’m talking legal ones if you hadn’t figured it out already) is vilified, then people get all secretive about it. The information they internalize might lead to something more transgressive.
For example, let’s say someone is into dominating and they watch a ton of porn about it. These clips show none of the communication, negotiation, and safety measures that take place beforehand. They don’t see the aftercare where the two actors are cuddling or giggling about the experience.
Porn is fine as long as there is a clear understanding of the difference between that and real-life connections. But where does this understanding come from if people are too ashamed to talk about it and the internet is packed with misinformation?
THE SOLUTION
Here’s where I get into an entire contradiction in my own head.
On one hand, if someone uses language like “dirty” and “guilty pleasures” in a light-hearted way, then what’s the harm in using it?
Then my brain goes on the other side of the fence and insists that for the mindsets to change, the language should change with it. And for even more of a noodle-twister, I remember that it’s easy to say that we “need change” but it’s a huge battle to fight against decades of societal “norms”, religious views, and a general lack of education about our own bodies.
It’s at this point that I need a stiff drink while trying not to slip into my misanthropic mindset.
So much of this stuff that people are ashamed of is perfectly fine. There’s nothing to hide in the closet or put on a cognito browser – especially if there’s education behind it.
What do think? Is this language of “guilty pleasure” something that should change? Share your thoughts in the comments!
