For doctors and nurses, any problem that walks through the emergency room door will be “business as usual” – granted, a few stories might make it into the breakroom (things like strange things stuck up the bum), but for the most part they’re not phased in any way.
One exception might be the story of a man who walked in complaining about penis pain.
Now, when I say story, this isn’t some wild creation for reading amusement … this is an actual medical abstract with photo documentations … which I will NOT include here.
So, a guy walks into a bar hospital.
The nurse goes through the usual motions and questions. He complains about having a fever for a couple of days. On top of that, he’s been puking his guts out and experiencing “diffuse myalgias” (which is just a fancy term for “general pain”).
However, that’s not enough to point them in the right direction.
More questions come.
You can picture the guy sitting there, shifting back and forth uncomfortable and white as a sheet as drop sweats roll down his face. He finally admits that there’s horrible scrotal pain.
The reason?
He had been vigorously and frequently masturbating with liquid soap.
As a result of some pretty vigorous rubbing, he had caused micro tears and these tiny cuts got infected. The medical abstract goes on to explain the other issues in medical jargon. In order to keep us all squeamish and on the verge of tears, here are the laymen’s terms.
He had…
ERYTHEMA – this is a general term for one kind of skin rash caused by the blood capillaries being injured or inflamed. It can appear for many reasons (like drugs or diseases) but a bit one is infections (no surprise there).
EDEMA is swelling caused by excess fluid trapped in your body’s
CALOR – The way it’s described sounds like something out of ancient Chinese medicine (one of the four “classic signs” including dolor, rubor, and tumor). Essentially, it means “heat”.
ESCHAR – Now, we’re going to get a bit gross. This one is a piece of dead tissue that detaches from the surface of the skin. Think of a burn or fungal infection.
If it hasn’t clicked in yet, let me give you a hint.
What happens when a skin infection is allowed to exist for too long?
Things turn … starts with a “G”…
Yep, gangrene.
This guy gave himself “Fournier’s Gangrene” (the Fournier’s part just references that is in the groin area).
What do you think happened to this guy?
Well, there could be a lot of painful images of things getting cut off, but he was quickly given antibiotics and thrown into surgery. He ended up needing, not only the knife to cut away the dead flesh, but he also needed skin grafts to save what was left of his dick so it could still function
So… need a hug yet?
It’s important to point out that not all jerking off will send you to the hospital. It’s really rather rare. But it goes to show how vital it is to practice decent hygiene and to not be afraid to seek help a soon as things start to ache (and not wait for body parts to be literally falling off).
Any crazy masturbation stories? Share in the comments!
