Think you’re suffering from sexual pressure? Well, you’re not alone.
From the moment we become aware of sex, we also get the flood of pressure that comes along with it. Even if it’s not from a partner pushing us past our boundaries of comfort, there are a ba-zillion commercials and ads that revolve around sex in one way or another.
It’s constant bombardment to look sexy, act sexy, and just have sex. The group that suffers the most is from teens and those in college/university, but that doesn’t mean the older demographics don’t feel the burn as well.
So, here are some ways (big and small) to help you manage this pressure. That way, you can deal with the world of sex in your own way and on your own time like, if at all.
SEXUAL PRESSURE – Identify The Source
Maybe the pressure to have sex comes from insecurity or the want to fit in. Perhaps it’s a boy/girlfriend or partner that the cause. When you know where the stress is coming from, you can tailor your approach to dealing with it.
For example, my alter ego is a Dominatrix and I also have a collection of casual partners to scratch any sexual itches. But when I changed anxiety medication and I hit a huge stress-road-bump in life, my libido tucked tail and disappeared. The idea was that because I worked for a sex toy company, wrote on a sex blog, and did kinky sex things in my free time, there was the self-pressure that I had to continue it, and if I didn’t, there was something wrong with me. Also, my sex partners wondered what the sudden drop in booty calls meant.
When I realized the main source of my headaches, I could act. I reminded myself that sex wasn’t a measurement of my value and that taking a break was okay. I also told my partners there were life problems and they shouldn’t expect any playtime for a long while.
Evaluate Your Values and Boundaries
What’s important to you right now? What values are vital for you to nurture? Sex might be a value but that doesn’t mean you have to go all pedal-to-the-metal all the time. Maybe you need to take care of your romantic needs instead. Take your values, couple them with your identified pressure sources, and then set your boundaries.
And yes, “set your boundaries” sounds simple, but it’s not always the case.
Being able to communicate clearly (and sometimes carefully) isn’t always in someone’s toolbox. And, being able to stick by those boundaries can be even harder. It’s often easier to just give up instead of sticking to your guns.
If your decisions affect a partner, take some time to talk about what’s wrong, what you would like to do, and how the two of you can move forward.
If it’s coming from a friend or peer, tell them to cool off on whatever is burdening you. Side note – sometimes pressure can be from parents pushing for grandchildren. Maybe you want to be sexual but not for the end goal of procreation. Tell mom and dad that they will just have to wait … you’re not a baby factory to scratch their “play with babies” itch.
SEXUAL PRESSURE – Try to Disconnect
Perhaps social media is the source of pressure.
If that’s the case, try disconnecting from whatever platforms are giving you grief. It can be for a trial run of a few days (if you and your phone are glued at the hip). If you feel that you can’t help but scroll, go as far as uninstalling your apps – don’t worry your accounts will be there when you get back.
Or you can unfollow people that bring on the sexual pressure in some way – whether through chat or just photos they post (like the gorgeous woman or hot guy that’s always uploading spicy photos).
Don’t Buy Into BS
Our entire society has this weird fixation on chastity that’s followed by a sudden leap into being some kind of sex god/goddess. Porn sites bombard us with unrealistic scenarios. Ads paint even the most mundane object as a source of sex.
One great example was a counseling session I had with my ex. It had been a battle for him to do anything around the house other than play computer games, sleep, or masturbate (or trying to find other girls to sleep with, while not working at all). The therapist said something so simple yet so profound, “Not having sex won’t kill you.”
Oh boy did my ex not like that.
The idea is that there are things in life we need – food, drink, shelter, etc. In relationships, there are fundamentals as well, such as both parties equally pulling their weight in some fair way. Sex actually isn’t a component to the basic functioning of a relationship. It’s a great part of it, no doubt, and something most of us want. However, taking a break or taking a stand on unwanted pressure shouldn’t destroy a healthy coupling.
So, shove the world’s expectations away.
Aim For “R” Not “A”
This is jumping back into the “sources” part of the article again. Some people might feel pressure to have sex because they want to be accepted – things like giving it up on the third date or “just doing it” when you don’t feel like it because your partner “needs” it.
The thing is, acceptance is fickle as fuck.
One day, someone can accept you. The next day, they might kick you to the curb for no reason at all. It’s better to have people respect you as a person with sex just being a wonderful side dish when you want it.
So, aim for respect, not acceptance.
Are there any other way to deal with sexual pressure? Share in the comments!
