From an outside perspective, it might be really obvious that a couple’s time together is nearing its expiration date. But for anyone who’s put in the time (and plenty of love) into another person, it can be hard to see the signs the relationship is over for him or her.
Sometimes we need a good shake (or handy list in this case) to know if what our gut is screaming is legit.
Also, let’s address the linguistic elephant in the room. Why are we saying “signs the relationship is over for him (or her)”? Well, because Google is a word-jerk, and unfortunately “him” is one of the top searches. But here, we’re all for equality and it doesn’t matter what’s going on underneath your clothes. Either side experiences the pain of this particular topic. So, let’s press on with a “them” mentality.
What are the top signs your partner is checking out of the relationship?
1. THEY STOP CARING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
This is an obvious one, but when you’re in love it’s amazing how much you let slide.
The thing is when you’re feeling miserable or going through something rough, and they just don’t care about being the support you need, it’s probably one of the top red flags that should NOT be ignored.
I remember when I was having a really bad day – epically bad. I was a mess. I begged my (now ex) husband to stay with me. I just wanted cuddles and support. I needed someone there with me. It was more important for him to go out. He was so stubborn in his “me time” that my feelings ended up taking a back seat. At that moment, quite literally, I decided the relationship was over.
2. MAJOR PRIORITIES CHANGE
Maybe two were looking to start a family in the near future, but now the other person isn’t interested. Or having kids was in the picture but the other person wants to focus on their career. A sign a relationship is over doesn’t always have to come from cheating or cruelty. There are people that simply drift apart.
3. RESPECT GOES OUT THE WINDOW
One could argue this could tie in with “not caring about someone’s feelings”, but I would count this as a much broader category. It could be things like:
- Canceling date nights
- Not answering calls or texts like they used to
- Sighing around you a lot
- Abandoning chores/errands entirely to you
- Forgetting important dates like anniversaries
- Making other people more important in key situations
You get the picture. If you’re feeling like they’re treating you like a lesser person, well, it’s time to take a hard look at things.
4. THEY TURN PICKY ABOUT THEIR PARTNER
Maybe you used to be the world to your partner. But for some reason, they’re breaking down all the things they wish you would do/be. Maybe they want you to lose weight or wear different clothes. Perhaps it’s the hairstyle or how you eat your food. Who knows.
And we’re not talking about suggesting a new hair color for fun because you’ve been dying it red your entire life. No – we’re talking about being picky about MANY things; like you’re not enough anymore.
This could be linked to cheating. But it could just be a sign that they’re tired of being in the relationship and they’re being jerks instead of maning/womaning up and just ending it gracefully/kindly like an adult.
5. THEY ARE GETTING IRRITABLE
Yeah, we all know this one. They get angry over the smallest thing. PMS jokes aside, please. Let’s be serious. It’s when they always seem to get angry over the smallest thing. Like how you breathe (jeez). We can also ramp it up from “irritable” to just being mean.
If this goes on for a while (and isn’t linked to any obvious, external stressors) you should look at this as another of the signs the relationship is over for him or her. It’s often a way of them picking enough fights to try and make YOU leave because they’re too much of a coward to do it themselves.
6. SELF-CARE WAVES GOODBYE
I’m going to approach this one carefully. But I’m 100% still going to address it because I think it’s important to talk about – mostly because it’s one of those things that people might feel too bad to actually say out loud.
Seeing your partner abandon self-care isn’t something you’re going to miss, even if it’s done slowly. And this doesn’t mean bath bombs and sprinkling rose petals on your bed. I mean basic self-care like showering and brushing your teeth.
This could be a sign of depression, which is NOT a sign the relationship is over – at least most of the time.
But in my case it was. My ex-husband ended up with depression and really didn’t do anything about anything (e.g. taking care of himself or any part of the relationship etc.) The thing is he wasn’t interested in getting help … at … all. And we know that you can’t force anyone to get help. It just doesn’t work that way.
In my case, I ended up existing with someone I had to cook for, clean up after, someone who didn’t care about my feelings, often did things that hurt me, just drank/played computer games, aside from work, and refused any kind of professional help. I did this for YEARS. And the first red flag of the coming avalanche was a long-term, utter abandonment of self-care.
I’m not saying if your partner has trouble in this area or has depression that things are over. But I AM saying that you don’t have to be a doormat or be forever secondary in the relationship.
7. PHYSICAL CONTACT DOES A 360
Maybe they stop wanting to have sex with you. Or, it could seem like quite a chore for them. Perhaps they don’t want to have any physical intimacy to the point that cuddles or even hugs aren’t on the table anymore. It could be one of the signs the relationship is over for him or her.
8. PERSONAL SPACE GETS WEIRD
If your partner starts REALLY needing their own personal space, it’s could be an indicator they don’t want to be around you. They’re trying to distance themselves.
If they’ve always been someone that needs a certain kind/amount of personal space, that’s not a bad thing. Mostly it’s something to worry about if there’s a drastic change that lasts a long while and doesn’t look like it’s going to go back to the way things were.
9. YOU HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS WITH A PARK BENCH
If communication has gone out the window, well, that’s never good. If they’ve closed off and you can’t get them to even talk about their day, how can you get them to talk about the relationship? It’s another form of distancing.
It’s extra harsh (and a clear sign) if it’s coupled with a cold demeanor or lack of respect.
10. THEY … JUST… STOP … TRYING
The clear-as-day sign is they just check out of the relationship entirely (but physically still be there).
The other person might stop putting in any kind of work into the relationship. Because, as we know, healthy relationships need nurturing/work and one person can’t be expected to put in all the effort. They might do some emergency effort when things hit DEFCON 1, but that’s it. When things calm down, they go back to taking everything for granted or just giving zero fucks. They’re coasting. It’s over for them, but they’re too comfortable to walk away.
IMPORTANT END THOUGHTS
Please keep in mind that these signs the relationship is over for him or her aren’t the end-all-be-all of advice.
For example, if someone abandons self-care for a long while, there are couples that can emerge through and become closer – having depression isn’t a freebie for leaving. There are people who don’t have the same communication styles and have to learn how to talk with each other. Lack of sex can come from things like medication or huge amounts of stress.
Take these signs, compare them to your partner’s “before/normal” behavior”, and see how many drastic differences there are that don’t have a clear source. Then, have a calm/non-confrontational conversation about it.
If there’s a fair amount of anger from the other person during the chat … well … that can be another sign.
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