If you’re diving into adult toys, you’ve probably come across the term “dildo harness.” Often called a “strap-on,” it’s a device you wear around your waist that holds a dildo, freeing up your hands.
This dildo harness guide is here to give you all the details—whether you want to spice things up with your partner, need some help with physical challenges, or are exploring your gender identity.
Why People Use Harnesses
Dildo harnesses serve different purposes, and they’re not just for one type of person:
- Trying Something New: Couples often use harnesses to mix things up in the bedroom. For example, pegging—where a woman uses a strap-on to penetrate her male partner—is getting more popular. It’s a way to explore new kinds of pleasure and different power dynamics, giving couples another layer of connection and fun.
- Dealing with Physical Challenges: If you or your partner have physical issues, like erectile dysfunction or mobility problems, a harness can be really helpful. Some harnesses are made specifically for these situations, offering extra support, padding, or even specialized designs that make intimacy easier and more comfortable.
- Gender Expression: For transgender and non-binary folks, a harness can be an important tool for affirming gender identity. Some harnesses, like pack-and-play models, let you wear a dildo comfortably all day. This can be a big deal for trans men or non-binary individuals who want to feel more like themselves, both in public and private.
Types of Dildo Harnesses
When it comes to harnesses, there’s a lot of variety. Understanding the different types will help you pick the one that’s right for you.
Traditional Harnesses
Traditional harnesses are the ones most people think of first. They usually have straps that go around your waist and between your legs. But there are a few different styles, each with its own advantages:
- Two-Strap vs. Three-Strap: Two-strap harnesses have straps that wrap around your waist and between your legs. They’re pretty standard, but depending on how you move, they can sometimes rub the wrong way. Three-strap harnesses add another strap around the buttocks for extra stability, which can be more comfortable, especially during vigorous use. These are popular in the BDSM community because they stay put no matter what.
- Jock-Style Harnesses: Jock-style harnesses look like a jockstrap and give off a sporty vibe. They’re great if you prefer a more masculine look or want something that can be worn under clothes without being too obvious. The SpareParts Joque Harness is a good example, offering both comfort and a discreet design.
Strapless Harnesses
Strapless harnesses are a bit of a game-changer. They don’t have any straps at all. Instead, one part of the harness goes inside the wearer’s body, and the other part sticks out. This style offers a more intimate connection, but they take a bit more skill to use effectively:
- Double Penetration: Some strapless harnesses are designed to give both partners penetration at the same time. For example, the Fun Factory Sharevibe allows for vaginal and anal penetration simultaneously. This can be a big plus if you’re looking to explore advanced sexual dynamics or simply want to experience something new together.
- Internal Stimulation for the Wearer: Strapless harnesses often have a part that stimulates the G-spot or prostate, making the experience enjoyable for both the giver and the receiver. This dual pleasure aspect is what sets strapless harnesses apart from traditional ones.
Material Guide: Picking the Right Harness
The material your harness is made from can make a huge difference in how it feels, how long it lasts, and how much you enjoy using it. Let’s dive into the different options, so you can choose what’s best for you.
Silicone
Silicone is a top choice for harnesses because it’s safe for your body and easy to clean. But there’s more to consider than just that:
- High-Quality Silicone: Not all silicone is created equal. High-quality silicone, like the kind used in premium harnesses, is soft, flexible, and durable. It’s especially good if you have sensitive skin or plan to use your harness frequently. Brands like Tantus use ultra-premium silicone, which makes their harnesses long-lasting and body-safe.
- Other Hypoallergenic Materials: Besides silicone, there are other hypoallergenic materials like thermoplastic elastomers (TPE). TPE is generally softer and less expensive than silicone, but it might not last as long or be as easy to clean. Still, it’s a good alternative if you’re looking for something different.
Leather
Leather harnesses have been around for a long time, especially in the BDSM community. They’re known for their durability and classic, edgy look. But leather needs more care and attention to stay in good shape:
- Full-Grain Leather vs. Bonded Leather: Full-grain leather is the highest quality and most durable option. It’s thick, tough, and lasts for years if you take care of it. Bonded leather is made from leftover leather scraps and adhesives. It’s cheaper but not as strong or long-lasting. If you want a harness that will stand the test of time, go for full-grain leather, like the kind used in Aslan Leather harnesses.
- Custom Leather Harnesses: If you’re really into leather and want something unique, you can get custom harnesses made just for you. These can include personal touches like engraved names, specific colors, or extra attachments for BDSM accessories. Custom harnesses offer a personalized fit and style that you won’t get with off-the-rack options.
Vegan Alternatives
If you’re avoiding animal products, there are plenty of vegan harnesses that look and feel like leather but without the ethical concerns. Vegan materials have come a long way, and some are just as durable and comfortable as the real thing:
- PVC vs. PU Leather: Vegan harnesses are often made from PVC (polyvinyl chloride) or PU (polyurethane) leather. PVC is tough and affordable, but it can be a bit stiff and less breathable. PU leather is more flexible and feels more like real leather. It’s also more comfortable to wear, making it a better choice if you plan on using your harness often.
- Cork Leather: An interesting alternative is cork leather, which is made from the bark of cork oak trees. It’s sustainable, lightweight, and has a unique texture. Just keep in mind it’s still a very niche material so you might have a hard time finding something that isn’t bespoke.
Care and Maintenance
Each material has its own care routine, and taking care of your harness properly will keep it in good condition for years:
- Silicone: Silicone harnesses are super easy to clean. You can wash them with mild soap and water, or for a deeper clean, you can boil them or put them on the top rack of a dishwasher (without detergent). Just be careful about storing them with silicone toys, as they can sometimes react with each other and degrade.
- Leather: Leather harnesses need regular care to stay soft and supple. You should use a leather conditioner specifically designed for adult toys because regular conditioners can have chemicals that aren’t safe for the body. Also, make sure to store your leather harness in a cool, dry place to prevent mildew and cracking.
- Vegan Alternatives: Vegan harnesses are generally low-maintenance, but they still need some care. You can usually wipe them down with a damp cloth or clean them with a gentle soap solution. Avoid using harsh chemicals, especially on PU leather, as it can cause cracking or damage. Store your vegan harness out of direct sunlight and in a cool place to keep it in good shape.
The Perfect Fit: Dildo Harness Sizing Guide
Getting the right fit for your harness is key to comfort and control. A poorly fitting harness can be uncomfortable, reduce pleasure, and even cause injury, so it’s important to get it right.
Measurements to Consider
When sizing a harness, you’ll need to take a few measurements to make sure you get the perfect fit:
- Waist Measurement: Measure around the part of your waist where you plan to wear the harness. Some people prefer a higher waist for more stability, while others might go lower for easier movement. Make sure you’re comfortable with where it sits before you buy.
- Thigh Measurements: If the harness has thigh straps you’ll need to measure your thighs where the straps will sit. Tight straps can cut off circulation and be uncomfortable, while loose straps might not offer enough control. Getting the right thigh measurement is especially important for harnesses with a lot of straps.
- Dildo Diameter Compatibility: Another thing to consider is the diameter of the dildo you plan to use. Some harnesses have fixed O-rings that only work with certain sizes, while others come with interchangeable O-rings. Make sure your harness can handle the size and weight of the dildo you want to use.
Adjustability for Comfort
Many harnesses come with adjustable straps, which are important for getting a snug, comfortable fit:
- Quick-Release Buckles: Harnesses with quick-release buckles are great if you need to make fast adjustments during play. This is especially useful in BDSM scenes where timing and control are key.
- Velcro Straps: Velcro straps are easy to adjust and are commonly found in beginner harnesses. They’re simple to use and can be adjusted quickly, but they might not offer the same level of security as buckles, especially during more intense activities.
- Padding and Lining: Look for harnesses with padded lining on the straps, especially if you plan on using the harness for long periods. Brands like SpareParts use memory foam padding in their harnesses to keep them comfortable, even during extended sessions.
Dildo Harness Accessories and Compatibility
There are plenty of accessories and add-ons that can make your harness experience even better. These can help tailor your harness to your specific needs and preferences.
Enhancements and Additions
- Dildo O-Rings: Depending on the diameter of the dildo base, you might want to consider different O-ring sizes to secure various dildos with your harness.
- Harness Pads: these provide extra cushioning for longer sessions, making them more comfortable. These pads are especially useful if your harness has thinner straps that might dig into your skin during extended use.
- Attachment Points: Some harnesses include places to attach small vibrators or other toys. These harnesses often have pockets or loops designed specifically for bullet vibes, adding an extra layer of stimulation during play.
Dildo Compatibility
Not every dildo works with every harness, so it’s important to consider a few things before you buy:
- Base Type: Flared bases work best with most harnesses, as they keep the dildo securely in place. Doc Johnson offers a range of dildos with flared bases that are designed to stay put during use.
- Size and Weight: Make sure your harness can support the size and weight of the dildo you want to use. Heavier dildos require a strong harness with sturdy straps.
Considerations for Different Users
Dildo harnesses aren’t one-size-fits-all. Depending on your needs and body type, different features might be more important to you.
- Comfort: Some harnesses include extra padding or a different cut to make them more comfortable for men to wear.
- Prostate Stimulation: Some harness designs include features that target the prostate for extra pleasure.
- Gender Expression: For trans and non-binary folks, a harness can be a crucial part of affirming their gender identity. This can be incredibly validating and help individuals navigate social situations with greater confidence.
- Same-Sex Couples: Harnesses are a popular choice for many lesbian couples who want to explore penetrative sex in a way that feels natural and affirming. The use of harnesses in queer spaces often carries broader significance, symbolizing sexual freedom and breaking away from traditional norms.
Debunking Myths and Addressing Taboos
There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about dildo harnesses. Let’s clear up some of the biggest ones:
Common Misconceptions
- Myth: Harnesses are only for same-sex female couples.
- Fact: Dildo harnesses are enjoyed by people of all orientations and gender identities. In fact, more and more heterosexual couples are exploring strap-on play as a way to experiment with power dynamics and add variety to their sex lives.
- Myth: Using a harness means you’re unhappy with your partner.
- Fact: Many couples use harnesses to explore new sensations and deepen their connection, not because they’re dissatisfied. Introducing a harness can actually be a sign of a strong, communicative relationship where both partners feel safe to express their desires and try new things together.
- Myth: All harnesses are uncomfortable and hard to use.
- Fact: Modern harnesses are designed with comfort in mind. Brands like Tantus and Sportsheets have made huge strides in creating harnesses that are easy to use, comfortable to wear, and adjustable to fit a wide range of body types.
The Future of Dildo Harnesses
The world of harnesses is always evolving, with new innovations and trends on the horizon:
Innovations on the Horizon
- Smart Harnesses: As technology advances, we might see harnesses with built-in sensors that adjust the fit in real-time or even sync with virtual content. Imagine a harness that adapts to your movements, providing optimal comfort and stimulation throughout your play.
- Eco-Friendly Materials: With more people focusing on sustainability, we can expect to see harnesses made from environmentally friendly materials. Companies are already experimenting with biodegradable options and materials sourced from sustainable resources like cork leather or plant-based plastics.
- Customizable Designs: The future might bring more customizable harness options, allowing users to design products that perfectly fit their needs and style. 3D printing technology could make this possible, letting users order bespoke harnesses that match their exact body dimensions and personal preferences.
Final Thoughts
As you see, a dildo harness is more than a toy. They’re tools for exploring pleasure, identity, and connection. Whether you’re enhancing intimacy, discovering new aspects of your sexuality, or making a statement about who you are, a well-chosen harness can be a powerful addition to your life. Focus on finding the right fit, choosing the best materials, and taking good care of your harness. Most importantly, enjoy the journey of discovering what works best for you. Here’s to making informed choices, having safe experiences, and celebrating the diversity of pleasure.
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