Really?
You’re surprised there are enough sex toys and sex devices in the world that you can make a Thanksgiving theme around them? Come on … it’s like you don’t know the internet … or people … or Rule 34.
So, for the sake of fun, giggles, and confused expressions, I present to you…
A sexy Thanksgiving sex toy dinner.
Enjoy!
NOTE: I will throw in a disclaimer though (for this and all other sex toys in this article) – I haven’t tried them nor can I promise they’re made from body-safe materials or come from reputable sellers.
CARROTS
Peel some root vegetables and roast them with some honey glaze. Yum. They’re a staple of winter holiday meals after all.
You’ll also find long, hard food its own porn genre or method of homemade sex toys. You can also trust the Japanese to make a tiny dildo disguised as a vegetable that says “Lovely” on the packaging.
TURKEY & CHICKEN
Do you know how hard it is to find a chicken or turkey sex toy and not find disturbing images of people doing questionable things to a rubber chicken? You’re welcome.
BUT, even though this is one of the few toys I would actually consider buying, this little chicken comes from Chinese Alibaba/Aliexpress sites, so I’m not sure if their silicone promises are true or worth the risk. Still, appropriate … and adorable.
CRANBERRY SAUCE
I don’t like the idea of this being a two-in-one lube and massage oil (internal use of flavored things doesn’t usually work out well). I think I would stick with just using as the massage oil. I hate strawberry flavors, so this might be a good substitute. JO has also proved to be on the more reliable side when it comes to sex products.
CORN ON THE COB (link)
Roast some cobs and slather them with butter and a heart-attack inducing amount of salt = great meal.
This sex shop not only makes their toys from silicone, they also have WAY more fruits and vegetable sex toys than you thought ever existed – peppers, cucumbers, asparagus, chili peppers, carrots, apricots, raspberries etc. This is your one-stop shop for all your sex toy produce needs.
FLUFFY BUNS
Alright. Alright. I know this one is stretching it. But any bread masturbators or sex bread ideas end up taking you to UrbanDicionary.com … so no. We also can’t have a Thanksgiving meal without some sort of wheat/gluten injection. Warm up these buns and devour them!
BUTTER FOR THOSE BUNS
The best part about these butter condoms? They don’t taste like butter. We don’t need that. They’re just a great way for companies to promote safer sex along with their brand. And, now, putting some butter on your vegetables takes on a whole new meaning.
PUMPKIN
Once October starts, you can’t walk five steps without tripping over something pumpkin spice. Do you know why? Because it’s delicious. You just can’t have a sexy Thanksgiving dinner without pumpkin pie! (take that as you will). Or, maybe you’re more of the “candied squash or savory squash” camp – and that’s okay too. We’ve got you covered (or “plugged” in this case).
APPLE PIE
Maybe you’re more of a traditional fruit soul? Apple pie will warm your heart this season – and this apple masturbator will warm your genitals. You can either go for the candy apple warming gel (external use only) or the masturbation sleeve.
COFFEE WITH DESSERT
Well, you’ve gorged yourself on seasonal yummies. Now it’s time to finish things off with a nice warm cup of coffee. Pjur makes some great lubricant, so I’m sure you’re guaranteed to get some cream in your drink as well.
Are you hungry yet? Horny? Maybe both? Possibly a little traumatized. Either way, happy holidays!
Also, if you want more interesting or fun articles, check out these…
- 10 Sexy Ideas for International Chocolate Day…Or Any Other Day
- 45 of the Best Aphrodisiacs and Desire-boosting Recipes
- 14 Sexy Halloween Toys and Gifts for Some Freaky Fun
Anything you want to add? Share in the comments!
