Presenting the posterior for penetration is downright terrifying for some people. It’s right up there with brown recluse spiders, heights, and holes (Trypophobia – yeah, it’s a thing). But I’ll let you in on a secret – Learning how to have anal sex doesn’t have to be unpleasant, and it doesn’t only exist in the realm of x-rated films.
Let’s learn more…
COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT
Be really sure you want to try it (or at least, be curious enough about it). Talk to your partner about the prospect. Whether bluntly or delicately depends on your relationship.
- It’s completely acceptable to ask
- It’s completely acceptable to say no
What is NEVER acceptable?
Pressuring someone into it if they aren’t convinced. It’s also not okay to ask them every damn time you’re naked. Also, the “accidentally-slipping-it-in” move is an asshole thing to do. You can cause serious damage by pulling a stunt like that.
FORGET THE TABOO
Anal sex has got a bum rap – the big one being that it’s FILTHY. Considering the nightmare that can come out of there after a night at a Mexican buffet, I can see how people would think that. However, the anal cavity is actually isn’t that dirty – there’s very little fecal matter left in there. All you need is a little cleaning.
SO, USE A CONDOM
When we say “very little fecal matter”, there’s still a bit in there (especially if you’re near a poop). This is why it’s always a good idea to wrap up that willy. It makes clean-up that much easier. There’s also the ever-present chance of STIs.
AVOID CROSS-CONTAMINATION
Once it’s stuck in the rear, it goes nowhere else – not in the vagoo or the mouth. And forget what you’ve seen on porn! To prep for a scene, pornstars clean things better than most of us clean… well… anything.
If you want to start dipping your stick into other orifices, switch condoms. Remember, the vagina’s internal environment exists in a delicate balance. It only takes a little foreign matter to change things from hunky-dory to “JESUS CHRIST WHY WON’T THE BURNING STOP?!”
GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFOREHAND
Up the butt is not fun when you are on the verge of a bowel movement (THAT’S when things could get messy). Make sure there’s nothing in there, and give things a good soapy wash. Antibacterial soap isn’t necessary but if you want to get into rim jobs (oral stimulation of the anus), going the extra mile won’t hurt.
THROW ON AN EXTRA SHEET
This is mostly because of the lube you’ll be using – especially if it’s silicone, and that stuff can sometimes be a pain to get out of your blankets. But it’s also a good idea if any accidents happen.
USE LOTS OF THE RIGHT LUBE
You can’t just grab anything off the shelf, pay for it with a blush, and then run out of the store. There is a plethora of brands and styles out there, but you generally want to stick to ANAL lubes.
Why?
Because they are (or should be) formulated with a different PH to work with the PH of your anus. Whether it’s water-based, silicone or “other” is up to you. Here’s a thorough guide to help you out:
What you should NOT do…
Do not keep using anything that STINGS! That is NOT normal and does not work for/with your body. Oh, and stay the away from KY Jelly – that stuff is about a 4 where the average rectal PH is about a 6. It also has a 10,300mOsm/kg in osmolality (which is bad). This hyper-osmotic nature of the lube can cause cell dehydration and cell death and make the surrounding tissue more susceptible to infections or diseases.
RE-LUBRICATE!
You should be wearing so much of the slick stuff that your backside should look like it’s oozing something out of an Aliens movie.
Also, if you’re having trouble applying it, try a LUBE INJECTOR (they look like a big syringe without the needle). These are good if you have trouble getting lube in with your fingers, toys, or tool. Easy to use and less mess.
DO NOT USE FUNKY LUBE
Things like warming, cooling, or DESENSITIZING. They are evil, wretched liquids that should never go near the butt. Whether we like it or not, pain is our friend. It tells us when shit *giggle* is going wrong. Don’t dull your nerve endings with desensitizing lube. It can do more harm than good. Plus, the warming stuff often contains materials from things like chili peppers.
Ouch.
IT SHOULD NEVER HURT
You hear so much of people being turned off from anal sex because of how much it hurts. NEWS FLASH – if it’s being done right, it shouldn’t hurt. It might feel weird, but not painful.
The first step is lube, the second is talking your way through it, and the third is relaxing. Tensing up will not help things. Keep breathing.
HOW TO HAVE ANAL SEX – CALM & RELAX
Try a glass of wine. Hell, mediate if it helps. Also, if you are in charge of penetration, throw in a bit of a massage during things. Anything to help get the blood and arousal pumping.
I promise you, external stimulation goes a long way to making the process easier. One thing you can try is “rimming.” If you’ve never heard of it before, or don’t know how, here’s a simple guide.
DISINTEGRATING SEX TOYS
Since you’re going to be all lubed up, using sex toys during your escapades is another great option. They help with arousal and lead to relaxation. Just be careful of what kind of lubricant you’re using with what material.
EXAMPLE: Silicone toys are great for anal sex (they last a lot longer and are easier to clean). But you can NOT use it with silicone lube because it will degrade the quality of the material and eventually cause tears and other problems.
Also, make sure the toy isn’t porous. If it is, throw a condom over it.
Try an App-Controlled Butt Plug: 4 Sizes, Including One for Beginners!
HOW TO HAVE ANAL SEX – GO SLOW!
Don’t follow what the porn stars do (things like rubbing the tip against the opening for a few seconds then shoving it inside). They have FAR more experience and their asses have become accustomed to it. And when I say slowly, we’re talking TURTLE pace.
No. Scratch that.
Turtles will look like Formula One racers compared to how fast you should be moving. This also includes pulling out.
GRADUATE UP IN SIZE
If things still aren’t working for you, or your partner has a dick the size of an elephant’s, consider Anal Trainers. They look like butt plugs, but come in sets of 3 to five – most starting at the size of your finger and working their way up to something you can be proud of.
FIND THE RIGHT POSITION
And, for the love of god, do not start with missionary. For beginners, it’s damn near impossible to find things and maneuver your way around to the sweet spot without looking like a fumbling idiot.
- Cowgirl if the person on top wants to control the speed.
- Doggy Style is another winner.
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR
Be ready for giggles, laughs, and red cheeks. It’s not like defusing a bomb, nor should there be the same level of seriousness attached to it. Also, don’t freak out on your partner if something goes wrong. When mortification rears its head, the only acceptable thing to say is, “It’s okay, honey. Don’t worry.”
CLEAN UP AFTER!
Not only should you be going to the bathroom beforehand, you should also go after. Especially if you’re loosened up a lot. The chances of you accidentally losing your bowels are next to none, but a seemingly innocent feeling of “gas” might not be. Also, if your partner doesn’t wear a condom, and has ejaculated in you, things need to be cleared out.
DON’T WORRY IF THERE’S A BIT OF BLOOD
The anal passage tissue is actually rather delicate – you can get small tears during a hard bowel movement. As long as it’s not a lot, you’ll be fine. But if you keep seeing blood, talk to your doctor.
YOUR ASS WILL NOT STAY STRETCHED
You will NOT end up like some over-pulled piece of play-doh. Things will stretch out during sex, but, after a few minutes, things will go back to normal.
Trust me. We can have bowel movements the size of an average dick anyways. And as long as you’re being gentle and using lube, there should be no damage.
FORGET GAY AND STRAIGHT
Anal sex has nothing to do with sexual orientation. It just means you like it in the ass. There are TONS of nerve endings for around the anus for both men and women. Gents also have the equivalent of a g-spot (the prostate). It reacts to stimulation whether you’re gay, straight, bi, undecided, or a damn inflatable doll.
OTHER THINGS TO KNOW
- Anal queefing is totally possible
- The first time might just feel weird
- Beginners might feel a bit sensitive in the anus afterward
- A bit of smell is possible. Don’t worry
- You don’t have to douche
- There is an extremely small chance you might poop during
- When a woman wears a strap-on on a man, it’s called pegging.
- Your butt has a mind of its own. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t
AND, after trying it, if you just don’t like it, you don’t ever have to do it again.
After all this reading, I’m also sure you’ve figured out one other very important thing … Anal sex is not a spontaneous thing! It takes time and preparation to get to penetration.
So why go through it all?
- Some men like the difference in the sensation
- It’s an erogenous zone capable of delivering immense pleasure
- If you feel it’s taboo, it can be extra naughty and exciting
I hope this article has helped or enlightened you to pleasure in places where the sun doesn’t shine.
Have an anal-tastic day!
Anything you want to add about how to have anal sex? Share in the comments!